Wednesday, February 23, 2005


" we see some chapters of our lives come to their natural end."
Sarah Orne Jewett 1849-1909

Today I finished reading "Tides of War" by Steven Pressfield. I had lingered over each chapter of this book, savoring the rich cadence of the prose, the heroic characters, the magnificent story. When I reached the final lines I almost felt breathless and paused for some time letting the words resonate in my mind. I didn't want it to end.

But, as the saying goes "Everything has an end." (African/Masai)

I've felt melancholy for days now and today especially I was overcome with despondency.
Even though I was working at the daycare I couldn't shake the sadness. To make it worse, the kidlets were overly rambunctious at nap-time and my patience was at a premium.

It's devastating when a friendship that you valued and enjoyed comes to an end. There's a void in my heart right now. No, it wasn't a romantic relationship, but rather an intellectual connection that meant a lot to me. Maybe I cared too much. And now it seems like it is over.

And then, finding things are missing...'disappeared'... from my apartment. Wondering who took them? The saddest part, knowing that person had been a guest friend here. Not that these items can't be replaced. But the point is, why were they taken? And it leaves me with an uneasy feeling because I am by nature so trusting.

"The beginnings and endings of all human undertakings are untidy,
the building of a house, the writing of a novel, the demolition of a brdige
and, eminently, the finish of a voyage." John Galsworthy "Over the River".

Endings are difficult. I've got to end my novel and it seems to be taking forever. I worked
all day Sunday (in spite of the sunshine didn't leave the house); sorted out the chapter segments I want to rearrange, made up the 'story cards' and shuffled the order of the episodes.

Monday I read through some of the MSS to see how it was going to work, but I didn't get the cutting and pasting done. I had to do some editing for my class and in the evening the writer's group met here.

I intended to write today, but got called to work. So I'll try tomorrow. This system makes it look easier to get to the end of Part IV and then I think the rest of the book will fall into place more quickly too. It's definitely time to wrap it up. End it.

Today the day was bright with sunshine. Spring flowers were blooming in the daycare yard. Tonight on the way to my class, the city sky-line was silhouetted against a blazing sunset. Behind me in the Eastern sky, a silver-white full moon hovered. I know, in spite of the cold frosty night, that Springtime is very near. A new beginning. Something to look forward to.

"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. Butit is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Sir Winston Spencer Churchill.

Si finis bonus est, totum bonum erit (If the end is good, all will be good.)
Gesta Romanorum 1472

"All is well that ends well."
John Heywood 1497-1580

1 comment:

Sam said...

I'm sorry to hear that about your friend. It's awful when something you thought was one way, turns out to be perceived differently by someone you felt close to. It can be a shock.
And the little vanished things...that would depress anyone.

I hope you feel better soon!
(In my family we always write 'hogs', ever since my son, aged six, wrote to his grandmother with 'hogs and kisses'.)